i just wanna soil my oats bro
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
