The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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