I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
