Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have already put on my inside pants.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
