I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
