Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
