I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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