Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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