i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
