I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
