think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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