Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
