There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
