Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
