I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Still dying that you shit outside
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
