Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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