Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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