I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
