Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
