Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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