HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I want a musical about memes.
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