I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
