The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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