We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
