What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
