Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
