PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
