So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
