He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
