Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
