question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
