What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
