Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
