I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
