I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
it was like having sex with a tree stump
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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