so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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