i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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