she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
