The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
