I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
