im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
