It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Randomize
