The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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