I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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