I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
