I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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