We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
