My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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