fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
