Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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