yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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