Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
