his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
