um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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